As Jacob came to understand and believe God’s promises, he learned that he no longer needed to escape through video games in order to survive emotionally. God’s hope and truth freed him to begin to let go of the old patterns and live out of who he is in Christ.

When legitimate childhood needs went unmet for Jacob, he felt alone and abandoned. A lie took shape in his mind that it was his fault. He created ways to survive the emotional pain by escaping through media. God’s hand was on him, and a healthier way of life lay ahead.

When we don’t know how to work through shame and other negative emotions, we devise clever strategies to help us numb them or escape from them. The avoidance is short-lived, and the hard feelings return. Learning to live in the present by allowing God to minister to us in them frees us to live in maturity and health.

Trauma can cause delayed development, creating a lag in the maturing process. This often shows up as a lack of discipline, procrastination, and defeated perfectionism. By God’s grace and with His power at work in us, we can grow up, and tackle tasks we might otherwise avoid. Our shame heals as we gain self-respect. Janelle tells the second half of her story in this episode, sharing the process of this healing in her.

Our attempts to hide our shame by being perfect only help in the short term. No one is good at everything. Eventually, we are faced with our shortcomings. A traditional perfectionist may become more driven. A defeated perfectionist gives up before trying. Janelle shares the first part of her story as a defeated perfectionist who comes to know the healing love of Jesus.

Perfectionism is a powerful self-protection strategy. It is an illusion. It tricks us into believing we can be the ideal person we want to project. Instead, it brings bondage and exhaustion. What are the roots of this behavior? And how can we experience breakthroughs? By God’s grace, we can live in dependence on God instead of dependency on performance.

It can seem impossible to forgive when the one we love most betrays or abandons us. Connie shares how forgiveness and choosing to believe her value in God’s eyes freed her to live without malice toward her betrayer.

Connie’s decision to serve in full-time ministry could have been a fulfilling life. She did experience joy as she served, but her husband’s faith crisis led to the dissolution of her marriage and the life she thought she would live. She shares the first part of her story in this week’s episode.

Holding on to unforgiveness as we wait for justice can keep us trapped in shame. Believing we are in the right and our offenders are in the wrong can cause us to believe we are worthy to be their judge. When we understand and trust that Jesus paid the debt that our offenders cannot pay, it frees us to forgive. It breaks the power of shame.

In this second part of Scott’s story, he shares how his childhood pattern of retreat from reality spilled over into his adult life. He hurt others in the same way he was hurt. God met him with His grace, freeing Scott to forgive himself and live in God’s forgiveness. Freedom and peace followed, along with the beauty of redemption.

A chaotic environment of alcoholism created a need for safety as a child for Scott. His way of coping was to retreat from reality to avoid the intense emotions he felt. He carried these coping skills into his adult life, with painful results. Yet God had His hand on Scott, and there was hope.

Sometimes we can be our own worst critic. Even when we know that God has forgiven us, we can have a hard time forgiving ourselves. The Holy Spirit longs to help us learn to live in His grace, freeing us to live in the hope of life without regret and self-reproach.

When Bill Folz surrendered his life to Christ, he moved from darkness to light and found the calling of his life. He asked God for a life worth living and God answered that prayer. Knowing this, we can trust God for His purposes for us. He wants to give each of us a life that brings us joy and meaning.

At the core of who we are, we desire a relationship with God. Even when we walk into the darkness, God continues to pursue us. Bill Folz shares his story of how he used drugs and music scene in an attempt to find relational depth. God met him before he understood his need, offering forgiveness and hope.

We may know in our heads that God has forgiven us and at the same time not feel forgiven. When we don’t feel worthy of God’s forgiveness, shame and guilt have a hold on us. Christ work for us is finished, and learning to rest in that forgiveness frees our hearts. Even when others won’t forgive us, we are forgiven.

Because of shame, we often want to hide our sin, which only fuels more sin in us. God’s design for relational healing calls us to risk trusting another with our sin so that we can come out of hiding into the light. It is in the light where God and others can come alongside us in our struggle. Shame loses power as we experience being loved and giving love to others.

Struggles with compulsive sin can rob us of hope and harm relationships. Attempts to bring the sin under control never seems to help and instead brings more shame. Bill Thrall, pastor, mentor, author, and leader, shares his wisdom, revealing how shame and hiding from others fuels the compulsion to continue. It is humility and Jesus’s work for us that can bring about healing.

God has given us the gift of conscience so that we remember the righteousness of God’s ways. In heeding our conscience and choosing obedience, our shame is lifted and we experience freedom.

God has given us the gift of conscience so that we remember the righteousness of God’s ways. In heeding our conscience and choosing obedience, our shame is lifted and we experience freedom.

Mike Speakman, licensed substance abuse counselor and founder of PAL groups, brings insight and understanding to the experience of parenting a son or daughter struggling with an addiction. Mike shares how a parent can use compassion and boundaries to inspire dignity and change.