Every family has a system whereby they try to maintain a relational balance. Some family systems function well. Others are dysfunctional. Kaye Schneider will help us understand dysfunctional family systems, and how each person takes on a different role in an attempt to create personal safety and internal peace. Patterns can develop that may last into adulthood, but change is possible.

Our family members can be some of the most important people in our lives. They know us in a way that others can’t and their opinion of us carries weight. When we intentionally or unintentionally shame each other, it’s important to learn helpful and healthy ways of responding so that we relate well. If not, we can fall into the Shame-Contempt Dance, which tears down relationships and hurts those we love most.

When a parent notices within themselves the cue of an unhealthy emotional reaction to their child, there are steps to take that bring change. Learning to stop and come back to the child when a parent is emotionally regulated allows the parent to respond in a way that creates hope for growth in trust.

Events and trauma from our past manifest in the present as we parent, no matter the age of our children. Christopher Keck, DBH, LPC, President and CEO of Open Hearts Family Wellness shares his experience and wisdom as a father and mental health professional. He graciously tells how our emotional reactions as parents give us clues to what may remain unresolved in our relationships. Taking steps to address those issues will make us healthier parents and more whole as people.

When a mother or father has shame issues, it affects their ability to parent their children. It makes them self-focused. It keeps them from being confident in decision-making and hinders their objectivity of themselves and their children. Examining these patterns in ourselves, if we are parents, or recalling the effects of our own parent’s shame issues helps us take the necessary steps to move forward to a healthier future.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! This is just a quick holiday message of what to expect on the podcast in 2024!

When Devry began to risk trusting God with his fears, he found that his heart became open to loving others. Instead of needing to be right so that he might be respected, he could put the needs of his family first. It changed his relationships. His influence inside and outside of his home increased.

Devry grew up without rails to guide him. He survived by protecting himself through needing to be the one who is right in conflict. No one modeled humility and repentance for him. He needed healing and a way out of his self-protective patterns. Coming to know Jesus as a teenager gave him a new focus and hope for future change.

As we move forward in our healing journeys, we realize that our old self-protective strategies no longer serve us. They never did fully protect us. Learning to trust God with our old patterns, allowing Him to do the work of repentance in us, miraculously frees us to love instead of turning to our sophisticated fig leaves. He can do in us what we cannot do.

Caring adults sometimes don’t know what to do when children and teens express negative emotions or behave inappropriately. Sara Brown, LAMFT, shares tools and helpful hints on how parents, grandparents, or other adults can wisely interact with youth, guiding them and being present to love well.

Sara’s had a mixed experience in childhood. Her mother’s mental illness brought trauma, but her mother also loved her in beautiful ways. Sara learned to deny and minimize the painful times so that she didn’t feel the shame of the chaos. God carried her through so that she could heal and offer hope to others.

When I can’t yet face the reality of the shame I feel or the wrong I’ve done, I will find ways to deflect others from noticing. I may do the same with people I believe or a reflection of me. We use the self-protective tools of blame, denial, minimizing, and justifying to keep people distant from what we attempt to hide. God’s grace frees us to be honest with ourselves about what is true so that we can live in humble authenticity.

When Trish Plum first got out of prison, she had no desire to return. She wanted to leave her past where it was. Yet when she went on a journey to heal from her experiences, she found her heart drawn back to the women there. Her life’s calling became to minister to them, offering the same hope she came to know.

When Trish Plum first got out of prison, she had no desire to return. She wanted to leave her past where it was. Yet when she went on a journey to heal from her experiences, she found her heart drawn back to the women there. Her life’s calling became to minister to them, offering the same hope she came to know.

God calls us to serve others as an expression of His love through us. But when we rescue others to shake the shame we feel or to avoid conflict, it creates resentment. It also keeps us and others from growing relationally, emotionally, and spiritually. Learning new skills can move us out of old patterns and into healthy relational dynamics that bring peace.

The effects of severe childhood abuse produce significant relational issues as the person becomes an adult. Many self-protective strategies are in place to avoid experiencing the pain again. Neesie Cieslak shares how the abuse in her past played out as a wife and mother. Yet God was at work, slowly bringing healing and change, creating redemption.

Generational abuse creates a pattern that is difficult to break apart from God’s power. Neesie Cieslak, speaker, author, and family life educator, shares the first part of her story, telling about her experience of abuse and how it affected family life as she grew up. Yet God had His hand upon her life, giving her glimpses of hope.

If I don’t feel confident in who I am and in my value, one of the ways I can avoid the shame I feel is to judge and criticize. The discernment I have of the strengths and weaknesses in others comes from an exaggerated valuation of what I offer. If I place myself in a posture of superiority, I believe I can distance myself from shame. Growing in self-awareness for what triggers my shame helps me to offer compassion and empathy rather than critic

Anger feels more powerful than we are. It can seem impossible to get out of a state of rage once we enter it. And we can feel powerless when those we love are reacting in destructive anger. Russ Yost, LMFT, shares some of his helpful tools on how to regulate the emotion of anger, and how to respond in a healthy way when others we love are angry. There is hope for change and growth.

It can seem like anger comes out of nowhere. We can react in anger before we have a chance to think about it. Anger can be destructive, but it can also be helpful for us to understand that we need to do something about our circumstances. Learn from Russ Yost, LMFT, a man who has struggled with anger himself, as he shares how to recognize anger and understand how to respond in a healthy way.