Shame in a Name
Names Carry Weight
In my decades of working with children, trends came and went in the naming of newborns. Names once considered old-fashioned came into common use again. New parents might take names of yesteryear and update them. Bill became Will. Kathy became Kate and then Katelyn. Jennifer became Jenna.
Parents often tried to honor their children with a unique name or an unusual spelling in an effort to make their child special. Naming a child is a big responsibility.
I was given a non-trendy name as a newborn: Louise. Many people were unfamiliar with it and called me, “Lucy,” “Elouise,” or “Lois” by mistake. I received a Valentine in fourth grade addressed to “Lousy.” I didn’t care for my name because it represented the shame I carried about myself. I felt unworthy of a name I considered lovely.
“Louise” means, “famous warrior princess.” My parents considered naming me, “Linda,” which means “beautiful.” How I wished they would have called me Linda. I thought being named Linda would fix how I felt inside. I didn’t feel beautiful or feminine. A warrior princess didn’t represent who I wanted to be.
The Power of Being Known
In the same church that God used to bring healing to me from the abuse of my childhood, I was privileged to serve in leadership roles. For the first six years of being on the staff of that church, I was the Children’s Pastor. The children, their parents, the hundreds of volunteers in the classrooms, and my leadership team made a difficult job a gift to my heart. They were a blessing to me and I delighted in them.
It was my practice to encourage the folks who served with me. It was a priority to be there for them if something came up in their lives that needed pastoral care. That was as important to me as serving the children. The volunteers gave sacrificially of themselves to the ministry. I never wanted to take them for granted. Besides that, I loved them like family.
One of those volunteers was a woman who taught in different classrooms as needed. She had two young daughters and understood the importance of investing in the spiritual lives of the children of the church. I valued her as a person and as a leader in our ministry. I considered her a cherished friend.
A Redeemed Name
There was a season where she and I worked together closely. I went to her house to meet with her about ministry plans and when we finished, it came time for me to leave. She stood near her kitchen sink and said, “Louise, I was thinking about you and how grateful I am for you. It made me think of your name. I thought of this little acronym for you.”
She handed me a tiny Post-it note. It read:
L–Loving
O–Overseer
U–Unusually
I–Insightful
S–Sensitive
E–Encourager
I wept. In the five seconds it took for me to read her words, the shame I carried for my name lifted away. It disappeared and has never returned.
When I held that affirmation in my hand, I fell in love with my name. This precious woman’s desire to affirm me through my name freed me. I no longer associated my name with shame. Instead, I associated my name with the good that my friend and co-laborer in Christ saw in me.
God used my friend’s affirmation to redeem my name for me. I kept her post-it note in the middle desk drawer of my office until the day I retired from my job.
Healing Through Affirmation
Affirmation is a mighty thing. It shifts our focus from shame to truth. It frees our hearts to believe that our identity is not in our weaknesses, but in the powerful reality of who we are in Christ. My friend had no motive to manipulate or puff me up. She loved and encouraged me. Little did she know that her thoughtful affirmation would bring healing to my soul. I will never forget her intentional kindness.
I have heard it said that people grow into their names. It is true for me. I have become a warrior princess. I am an adopted daughter of the King of Kings so that makes me a princess. I am a warrior for His kingdom, battling alongside my brothers and sisters in Christ for God’s glory. I am deeply known by my family, beloved friends, and those I’ve served with through the years and that is fame enough for me.
My name is written in the Lamb’s book of life. I can think of no greater honor than this. Only God could move me from shame for my name to gratitude and a feeling of honor for my name. I love my name.
Proverbs 22:1 “A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, and favor is better than silver or gold.”
Photo by Benjamin Zanatta on Unsplash
Questions to Ponder:
What does your name mean? How could affirmation bring healing to your shame?