The Speeding Ticket
Striving Breaks Down
Perfectionism used to keep me in check. Making a mistake or boldly sinning terrified me, so striving kept my focus sharp. I would like for it to have been true that my motivation to honor God by how I lived emerged from my gratitude for all He had done for me. Far from it. I feared what might happen to me if I disobeyed.
Not only that, I believed God owed me after all I’d done for Him. I checked off all of the boxes. I did everything that a Christian should do and not do, according to the teachers of my youth. Allegedly, this good behavior would make God happy with me and I would be rewarded for it.
When my life didn’t turn out in the rosy way I expected it to, I felt disillusioned. I believed my early mentors let me down, and even lied to me. The formula I had been handed on how to establish a successful Christian life hadn’t worked. My efforts didn’t produce success. Instead, I found myself facing consequences of good intentions that looked a lot like failure.
God’s Grace Brings a Lighter Heart
Through God’s kindness, I came to understand His grace. I learned that God never expected me to achieve perfect behavior in my own strength. According to Romans 5:8, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for me. In the middle of my failures, He died in my place. He knew I would never have it all together. He wanted my dependency on Him instead of my striving.
Living by God’s grace slowly began to free me from the bondage and trap of perfectionism. Fear of making a mistake didn’t reign in my life as it once did. My heart felt lighter and I wasn’t so hard on myself.
Without Hypervigilance
Around that time I took my daughters and their friend to a pumpkin patch in northern rural Arizona. After a day of hayrides, apple cider, bluegrass music, and a corn maze, we drove home with our freshly picked pumpkins. Since I no longer lived with a hypervigilant fear of making a mistake, I made a mistake. I didn’t notice a change in the speed limit as I moved from one highway to another.
The red lights of the police car behind me began flashing. I pulled over. The young officer kindly told me I was driving 65 in a 55 miles per hour zone. He wrote up and handed me my first ever speeding ticket.
Valued as a Mistake Maker
Having to pay a fine and attend defensive driving school was unpleasant. But my response to the speeding ticket felt like a victory for me. If I had received that ticket before I understood God’s grace, I would have chided myself mercilessly. Grace freed me to remember that I’m a mistake maker. Sometimes those blunders necessitate a fine and driving school. But those mistakes don’t define me and they don’t need to make me miserable.
I am loved and valued just as I am. God expects me to stumble because I am human. His grace is sufficient for me, helping me through whatever consequences arise for the mistakes I make, even when they are costly. I can count on His power to sustain me on the journey.
2 Corinthians 12:9 “And He has said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’ Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.”
Photo by Jonathan Cooper on Unsplash