An Impossible Camp Commitment
Trying to Earn Approval
I once saw a church bus with a bumper sticker that read, “Jesus saved you. Now get busy.” It startled me and I think I gasped. The bumper sticker proclaimed a six word summation of the theology I learned in my youth about life in Christ. My shoulders tensed, remembering the effort that exhausted me from living under it.
When I misunderstand the gift of God’s grace, not just for salvation, but for the work of sanctification in me, I can live trying to earn God’s favor as if I never had it. Or I believe it is transitory. I may think I can lose God’s favor if I don’t do enough good. I can fear God’s disapproval if I’ve done something I shouldn’t. This uncertainty can be crippling to our spiritual lives.
A Childhood Promise
Growing up, I went to church camp every summer it was offered. I remember those weeks with fondness. God met me at camp in benchmark ways that shaped my life.
One of those moments came when I was in fourth grade. The teacher encouraged us campers to make our spiritual lives a priority. He spoke about the importance of daily Bible reading. He told us that God wanted to meet us through His Word. God wanted to meet with me? Then I wanted to meet with Him.
The speaker asked us to consider making a promise to God. We were to give Him our word that we would commit to reading a chapter of Scripture every day–for the rest of our lives. I trembled at the weight of the pledge, but took the leap.
When the speaker asked those willing to covenant with God about daily Scripture reading to raise their hands, I slipped mine in the air. The speaker told us this would please God to spend time with Him.
After camp, I began reading. I opened my Bible when I arrived home from school or before bedtime. On the weekends I read in the morning. There was much of Scripture I didn’t understand, but it was true that God met me each day as I read.
The Promise Hits Reality
Then life happened. Sometimes my days were full and I’d go to bed without reading my Bible. As I fell asleep, it dawned on me that I hadn’t read my chapter yet. Panic set in. I jumped out of bed and grabbed my Bible. My heart raced as I tried to concentrate on the passage.
In those moments, it wasn’t about spending time with God. It became about duty to the obligation I made. What if I had fully fallen asleep? I would have broken my promise to God. What would God do to me if I forgot?
In time, my fear of failing to keep the covenant overtook the pleasure of being in God’s presence. Though I rarely missed a day of Bible reading, the joy eluded me. My goal became perfection so that God wouldn’t be angry with me. I can only imagine God’s sorrow at watching me strive to keep Him happy when He already delighted in me.
Striving for excellence can seem like sincere devotion. I believed that intense effort was what He favored. I did many right things, but from a motive of fear. It exhausted me and I felt no peace.
Freedom in God’s Grace
I would have gone to my grave in this never-ending pursuit of God’s approval except that He saw my misery. He knew the sincerity of my devotion and the bondage that gripped me. He introduced me to His grace.
God knew before I did that I could never achieve perfection in my Bible reading habit or in anything else. He taught me that the goal was not perfection. It was in humble trust of who He is and the promises Jesus died and rose again to give me.
True obedience to God comes from a place of trust, not fear. When I do right things from a motive of fear, I have fallen into self-effort. When I trust God to give me the motivation and willingness to obey Him, He shows up. It is a rest-based obedience. I choose to trust and He does the work in me.
This rest-based obedience brings peace. It brings joy. It brings hope. It also makes me grateful as it grows me in awareness of the immensity of His love for me. I did nothing to earn this lavish gift of His grace and presence in my life. It is all about Him.
I wonder if I might create a new bumper sticker to put on the church bus. I think it might say, “Jesus saved you. Isn’t that amazing?”
Philippians 2:13 “For it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.”
Questions to ponder:
When has the need for performance robbed you of joy? Who has given you space and grace to be a person in process? What was it like to be around that person?