A Haircut Gone Wrong
Lovely Locks
God gifted both of my daughters with beautiful hair–thick, long, and luxurious. The kind of hair you see on shampoo commercials and hair that other women pay a lot of money to artificially create. My daughters are grateful for this gift and take good care of their lovely locks. You can imagine that, as their mom, I enjoyed curling or French braiding it before they went out the door.
This past week my younger daughter had some important social events coming up and needed a haircut. Her former stylist recently married and moved out of state. My daughter then made an appointment at a salon this stylist recommended. She spoke at length with the new stylist and brought in a picture of exactly what she wanted. As the stylist went to work, my daughter could tell that she didn’t know how to do the cut. The stylist asked for help from the salon manager who promptly responded. My daughter saw the look of horror on the manager’s face. The stylist had done so much damage that, in the manager trying to make it right, 75% of her beautiful hair lay on the floor. My daughter wept.
Powerless Grief
As my daughter processed this experience with me of her grief over the hair that would take years to regrow, I was reminded of how powerless we are over the wrongs done against us. Though the manager didn’t charge my daughter for the appointment, she couldn’t glue my daughter’s hair back in place. An apology doesn’t restore what was taken. It is an acknowledgment of wrong, but it cannot fix the damage done.
What can we do in that powerless place of living with wrongs that are done? Yes, we should ask for compensation when possible. And it is right that an offender owns up to their offense. But when damage happens that cannot be repaired, we can feel hopeless.
The Failure of Retribution
The answer cannot be in retribution. Two wrongs don’t make a right. The sinful pleasure of seeing someone hurt as we have been hurt doesn’t fill the void, nor does it bring back what was taken from us. My fleeting fantasy of giving the offending hair stylist a piece of my mind for what she took from my daughter would have only brought more grief to a sorry situation. She is a mistake maker like me and probably felt terrible for what she did, even though she had a hard time admitting it.
None of us can fully repay the debt we owe for the wrongs we have done. The hurt, the disrespect, and the dignity stolen are all relational and spiritual debts that are intangible. We cannot write a check to cover the losses.
Atonement Frees Forgiveness
Jesus died for the intangible spiritual and relational debts that none of us can pay. He paid those debts on the cross so that we, in turn, could forgive others. When the disciples asked Jesus how to pray, He included in His response, “And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.” (Matthew 6:12) They go together, this being forgiven and forgiving others.
Because of Jesus, we are forgiven of our debts. Because of His grace, we can forgive the debts others owe us. The damage is done, but it doesn’t hold power over us unless we let it.
After we have forgiven, all we can do is fall on God’s grace. We say, “There is nothing that can be humanly done to repair the damage. Oh, God, do what only your grace can do in this situation. Amaze us with your grace once again for your glory and our good.”
In doing so, we let Him be at work where we are powerless. He is almighty God and nothing is too hard for Him. He delights in displaying the glory of His grace toward us.
John 1:16 “For from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.”
Photo by Tamara Bellis on Unsplash