Risking to Dream

A Dreamer

I am, by design, a leader and a visionary.  I see a need and then want to introduce an avenue for that need to be met.  I have started many new ministries for children and adults, joyfully creating teams and plans and then helping walk those plans through to completion. It excites me to mobilize people to live out of their strengths and gifts and then see a goal reached.  It is fulfilling for me.

Shattered Dreams

But regarding dreaming for myself, a long interval came about where I dared not risk it.  After years of working hard to make them happen, my dreams shattered.  What I wished and longed for with all my heart didn’t come to be.  The time passed for the dreams to come true in the manner I hoped. They were healthy dreams, not materialistic or, in my mind, self-serving.  The loss felt overwhelming.  I felt foolish for allowing the dreams to even enter my mind.  If I had never dreamed at all, I wouldn’t feel the heartbreak of the loss.  

I misinterpreted Psalm 37:4. “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”  I had heard this verse taught and liked the interpretation given.  I was told that this verse meant that if I live in obedience and humility before God, making Him my delight, He will give me what I desire. Since my desires were good ones, I expected God to deliver them to me.  And then He didn’t. 

Thus began my season of squelching personal dreams.  I didn’t think my faith could sustain another broken dream and so I didn’t chance it. I denied myself the privilege.  For a number of years, my personal life looked dull and routine.  My family attested to my unhappiness.  I resolved that I needed to gut out the remaining decades of my life without hope for anything more than drudgery and duty.  

What lay under my response to the broken dreams was the belief that they didn’t happen because I must not have deserved them. Facing my broken dreams meant facing the shame I concluded was the cause of the failure.  I believed that my dreams died because of my deficiencies. 

Reshaped Dreams

In time, I began to understand that the death of my dreams was not the end.  My healthy longings weren’t wrong.  I learned that I needed to give God my dreams and let Him shape them into what He had for me.  I could open my hands to God and give Him full reign in how my life unfolded.  I could ask Him to once again give me dreams. 

I hadn’t understood that dreams I clutch onto cannot have the imprint of God on them.  They are my dreams alone.  As I allow God to take the dreams and desires of my heart and shape them into what He has for me, I partner with Him, instead of expecting Him to be the genie in a bottle granting my wishes. It is better this way, this partnering with God in my dreams.  It is not all on me to make them happen, and God gets to take my dreams and turn them into something that brings Him glory. 

After all, the desires of my heart are for Him.  For His ways.  It is how He has created my new nature.  In Christ, I want to honor and glorify Him by trusting His plans for me.  As I delight myself in the Lord, He gives me the desires of my new heart.  It is less about me and more about Him. 

A New Dream

Six years ago, it happened again.  I saw a need and wanted to introduce an avenue for the need to be met.  I saw a need for a book that would point people to Jesus and His grace as the healer of shame.  The curious thing to me was that I had never aspired to write a book.  Ever.  I loved leading, teaching, and mentoring.  I couldn’t imagine teaching, leading, or mentoring in this way.  But God could.  And so I dreamed of writing that book.  

The dream came true.  It is my book, Lifted from Shame, now available to all.  I shake my head in wonder at the surprises and goodness of God.  When I thought I should give up on dreaming, He knew about the book.  He brought me the help that I needed to accomplish it.  I pray that the book draws many people to His healing love and grace.

As for my other personal dreams that shattered long ago, they are still in the reshaping process.  I don’t know why that process isn’t finished yet. But God does.  He has His purposes, I’m confident of that.  So I wait.  I wait, trusting in God’s faithfulness to His promises and character.  He will do what is for my good and what will bring Him glory.  I can rest in that.

Psalm 37:4. “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

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Questions to ponder:  Is it hard for you to dream about your life?  Why or why not?  Has God reshaped one of your dreams?  What happened?  How did it bring you joy and Him glory?

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