Remembering Norma

Four Years Ago

It was four years ago this week that we flew to Wisconsin for my younger sister’s memorial service.  It still seems surreal that she is gone.  In her memory, I will share part of what I read in her honor on that day.  I was humbled that my brother-in-law asked me to share about her with those present. I started by sharing about the delightful and beautiful parts of her life, including her many accomplishments and loving influence. I concluded by addressing the reality of our childhood abuse. I knew she would want it that way. This is what I said:

Memorial Service Sharing

The destruction for Norma and I of our childhood reached far and wide into our lives. It affected how we saw situations and relationships, and how we responded or reacted in life, even with each other. Unresolved sin doesn’t go away if you simply don’t think about it. You have to deal with it or the pain will leak out in very messy ways that hurt people. This is especially true when it comes to childhood abuse. 

Pathways that come from trauma in the brain show up with a vengeance in our adult lives. More and more is known these days about trauma and treatments for it continue to improve. But when Norma and I first began the journey of healing almost 30 years ago, there wasn’t much available. Sexual abuse was just beginning to be talked about in the evangelical church.  

Norma was courageous on her path of healing, seeking out counselor after counselor that could possibly help her. It wasn’t easy. It was something she sought until the very end of her life.  She knew that truth would set her free. She kept looking for counselors that had the needed skills, an understanding of Biblical truth, and a desire to walk with her through her healing. She knew that ultimately Jesus was the only solution for her pain.  

She learned that Jesus not only died for her sin, but the sin done to her. She went through a long process to come to a place of forgiveness of our parents. This is no easy thing when the harm done is great, but by God’s grace, in time she released them from the debt they owed her. After all, we are on level ground in front of the cross. Jesus asks us to forgive as freely as we have been forgiven. We forgive because Jesus has asked us to and because it frees us, even when the other person never admits wrong. Forgiveness frees us to love and because Norma forgave, she was free to love.  

I am grateful for Norma’s love for me, especially when I often misunderstood how to love her well and got it wrong.  Though we had our struggles, her love for me never waned, as is true of my love for her.  We had a beautiful visit a few months ago, focusing on our good memories.  There was a lot of laughter and many tears. I dreaded saying goodbye.  

How do you say goodbye to someone you have known for all of their 57 years and who is woven into the fabric of your life as only a sister is?  We were not meant for these farewells.  As I told her through my tears what a gift from God she had been to me and how thankful I was that we had each other in this journey of life, I thought my heart would break in two. 

In that moment, a supernatural feeling of peace unexpectedly washed over me.  God spoke to me in my thoughts and reminded me, “You will see her again.” Oh, yes. I knew that the next time I saw her we would be in heaven together and all would be changed. We would be with each other unguarded, running to the feet of Jesus, hand in hand, thanking Him for dying on the cross for us so that we could live eternally free from sin and the effects of sin.

Though I wish she was still here with us, I am grateful for God’s promise that she is in heaven right now, free not only from the horrible effects of cancer on her body, but also free from the aftereffects of our childhood on her life. No more fear, no more shame, no more pain. All glory to God. Thank you, Jesus, for your great gift to me of my sister, Norma. I love her so much.

John 5:24 “Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life.”

Photo by Zulmaury Saavedra on Unsplash

___________________________________________________________________________________

Questions to ponder:   Who do you look forward to seeing in heaven?  What hope do you have because of God’s promise of eternal life to those who believe?

Want to Stay Connected? Join the Email List!